Finding Hope in Disappointment
'God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.'
– The Serenity Prayer
In my final year of high school we would pray the Serenity Prayer daily. It guided us throughout the ups and downs of the tests and challenges that would come our way. It is funny how simple memories come back to guide us in the years to follow. Six years on, the beginning of 2017, a new year and ultimately a new fresh start, I found myself disappointed with God.
Yes, that is hard to admit, I was disappointed with God. More specifically I was disappointed that a promise I had had from Him had not come to pass yet. For the first time ever in my life I found myself having to tackle this issue called ‘disappointment’. After spending hours wrestling with God trying to find the answers on why the promise had not yet come to pass I felt God gently say to me, ‘Angelica, you’re disappointed with Me.’ Hearing those words came like a tidal wave. Instantly, I knew why I was restless. I felt let down by God. I was angry, upset and tired of waiting for the outcome that I could feel was near but yet could not see.
I went on a journey with God walking through my disappointment. Searching for hope within in it and a will to carry on. You see, once you admit to yourself and to God that you are disappointed there is a relief that comes with it. Now that it is out in the open you can journey on. Even though I was still in the thick of it I found myself running into God’s presence more and more. Sometimes we cannot understand why things don’t happen the way we want them to. We live in a world of instant gratification so when a promise does not come to pass at the time we hope for it too we become bitter or frustrated that we have not seen the completion of the promise.
Yet, there is a time and place under heaven for every season of our lives. I have learnt more and more over the past few months that God cares about every little detail. I have shed many tears and have had many, countless laughs with God. He is my close confident and when I feel that disappointment creeping back in I remind myself with His own words – He has not forgotten the covenant of His promise to me. Neither has He forgotten His promise for you. Joyce Meyer once said, ‘Patience is not the ability to wait but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.’
So as I wait for the completion of a promise, I continue to fix my eyes on Jesus. He is the lifter of my head and the lifter of my heart. He is my very great reward, the One in whom my heart trusts and the leader of my hand.
About Angelica Lainis
Angelica Lainis is a 24 year old blogger, dance teacher and author. She has been a member of C3 Oxford Falls for 6 years after moving from Cape Town, South Africa to Sydney in 2012 to study at C3 College. She has a heart for women finding their true identity in Christ and is constantly creating new ideas and inspiring others through her writing. You can find more of her on her blog http://afinefashionfrenzy.tumblr.com/ or Instagram page @angelicalainis.