Sitting here in bed (luxury at 10AM on a weekday morning!), worship music playing in the background, a candle burning on the shelf, toast and tea beside me; sounds like the perfect life! Except I can’t ignore this huge belly between me and my laptop and the fact that my world is about to be turned upside down by this (constantly kicking) little human in a few short weeks.
In the nine months leading up to these last few weeks, I have learnt many things, I am now up to date on the different methods of birthing, co-sleeping, sleep training, breastfeeding, breast pumping, formulas, weaning, baby equipment, natural products, not so natural products and the list goes on! All while being afraid that I might eat the wrong thing or move the wrong way and this child could be lost forever. Honestly, my husband and I were favoured and did not have to try hard to conceive this child, but that made my fears worse. How could something I wanted so much, for such a long time, be given to us so easily? Is God really good? Faithful? Honouring of His promises?
Hebrews 13:6 (NIV) “So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”.
Repeating this verse in my mind is easy but living it out is much harder. It's so much easier to listen to statistics on miscarriages, reading long lists of food you should avoid eating, things you should avoid doing, hearing stories about labour going wrong and the high rate of sudden infant death syndrome. And just like that, “mere mortals” have more control over me, and I quickly forget that the Lord God is my helper and I have no need to be afraid. Because no matter what happens God is still so good to me.
Each morning for the last nine months, I had to make a conscious decision and choice to trust in God and not be afraid in this area of my life. Practically for me that meant continuing to exercise (wisely) and eat (nutritiously) without being afraid of what that might do to this little baby inside me. To speak out positive words that cut through the noise of negative thoughts. This conscious choice flowed into focusing on learning how to bring this child up in a Godly household, how to keep my marriage strong in this change, how to love my child without being held back by my insecurities and most importantly how to teach this child about God.
This confidence that the Lord is my helper is an undoing of my insecurities and fears, and I’m learning that the sooner I let go, the sweeter and more enjoyable it all is.
About Cathy Amies
Cathy is married to Simon Amies, together they attend C3 Oxford Falls and share a passion for seeing young people living their full potential in the marketplace. Cathy works in TV production at NBCUniversal and loves telling stories through film and media.