Growing Healthy Boundaries
Parenting Tips On Growing Up the Kids!
What does maturity look like ?
We have physical maturity. That happens as a matter of course . We also have maturity of soul and spirit which requires the input of relationship and structure to thrive.
Ephesians 4 tells us that “Speaking the truth in love we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of Him who is the Head”.
Here we have the blueprint – the joining of love and truth together.
This can also be found in the book of John 1 :14 ,17 where we find
“Jesus full of Grace and Truth” and…. “Grace and Truth came through Jesus Christ”. These qualities are joined together in Jesus .
When we split them by parenting with structure or truth only and little or no affection and connection and touching the hearts of our children, we will not arrive at maturity, OR if we parent with much grace and love and little or no structure and teaching of responsibility and ownership we also will not arrive at maturity.
Grace is the undeserved favour of God. It is unconditional love. It says “there is nothing you can do to make me love you more or love you less”. It is the empowering quality that connects us to God and each other and is relational. It is the power to do what the truth demands. It covers our weakness. It is freedom.
Truth on the other hand is structural by nature and it is immovable. It is not moved by convenience but holds the line and stands by its values. It keeps limits so that direction is maintained and progress is achieved. It is responsible and takes ownership and is accountable.
When we join these qualities together in our parenting, as we see in Jesus, (grace and truth joined together) we will be able to co-operate with God in raising our children to be not only physically mature but also mature in soul and spirit because we are following the blueprint found in Jesus.
1 John 4:16 says “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us .God is love….”
God is love and Jesus is God (1 John 1:1), and therefore when we join Grace and Truth together, Love and Limits, Freedom and Responsibility ,we can be confident that we are raising these unique and amazing children by not just giving them information about God and the realities of life but training them in the formation of Godlike maturity in their souls.
Some practical tips:
Empathise with your children’s feelings and hold that line!
Consider your own maturity as the parent and commit to grow in areas where perhaps holding the line is difficult or expressing empathy is not comfortable . Parents with healthy boundaries produce children with healthy boundaries.
Love is fuel. Discover the love languages of your children in order to fill their love tank so that they can do life effectively .
Teach them how to give a “no” kindly and to receive another’s “no’ respectfully and securely, and that “no “ is a necessary and healthy word.
Teach them to care for others while at the same time looking after their own needs, not losing control of themselves. This is done by modelling and instruction.
Use consequences that are age appropriate, that match the severity of the misbehaviour and that motivate the child to want to do what is required . Consequences are the best teachers of reality.
If we know what we are aiming for, we are more likely to see ourselves as effective parents and to move in that direction.
God is the Father and He parents us all perfectly with Grace and Truth joined together .
Jane has been a facilitator for small groups in boundary development and general life principles over a number of years and is also a Professional Life Coach from the Life Coaching Academy Australia.
She is committed to the process of personal growth that enlarges our heart and our capacities, to live the life that we are designed to live – prosperous, generous, fearless and overflowing in love, enjoying the fruit of great choices along the way.
Married for over 40 years with 3 magnificent children and their equally magnificent spouses and two little grandchildren, Jane and her husband are pointed in the direction of health and well-being, to seek for it in every area of life.
For more information about Jane’s work please go to https://www.positiveboundaries.com.au/