Confessions of a Control Freak
I am one of the first to admit that I am a recovering ‘control freak’ or ‘control enthusiast’.
In reality I believe we can all relate to wanting to control at least one aspect of our lives, especially the areas that seem most out of our control. It is our way of making ourselves feel secure.
Personally this year has been one big, giant roller coaster and I have searched for a way to get off or closed my eyes waiting for everything to come to a stop. I have come to the realisation that it is way better to go with the flow, release my grip a little, and enjoy my front row seat. God has promised to never leave nor forsake me and, He promises that He is not surprised in the least with where I am in my life right now – even when I am.
God is a God of purpose and uses EVERYTHING to His Glory.
Most mornings I go for a walk alone in the bush, the silence is peaceful and I can breathe easy, it is how I start my day on the right foot. There is a special presence that fills me as I enjoy His creation each new day (and the exercise is great too!). We have our best conversations here where I have learnt and am learning to quiet my own thoughts and just listen out for what He wants to tell me that day.
We must be willing to hear and obey what He prompts or asks of us, recently this has meant handing over my controlling nature to Him on a regular basis. The beautiful thing that happens in this transaction is God takes the treasures He has placed within us, which may have been hurt or twisted in life and restores them; handing them back to us in a new way.
My perspective of control has shifted with the realization that I am able to have complete autonomy over ONE area of my life, which is my attitude.
Attitude. a feeling or opinion about something or someone, or a way of behaving that is caused by this; Behaving in a way that makes it difficult for other people to have a relationship with or work with them (Cambridge English Dictionary).
This is my conviction, one that I am attempting to walk out. I am sure I will trip and stumble along the way but God’s grace and kindness keep me going. I choose to not trust in my own strength or what I can see and plan of my future and trust instead that God has called me purposefully and I am lead by His Spirit. We all fall, the only difference is that we are able to rise again by God’s grace.
"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm.” Ps 20:7,8
Melissa has been married to her husband Stephen for almost 4 years, they have one gorgeous daughter, Emmanuella (18 months). She has been walking with the Lord for over 20 years and together with her husband has been a part of the C3 Oxford Falls core team for 6 years. Melissa is passionate about seeing women released from bondages and living in community with one another